Like all good backpackers in the 21st century, I've decided to make a blog of my travels, with the small difference being they'll be more a compendium, codex and necronomicon of letters home - or rather emails - rather than being written specifically for a blog. If that makes sense. Naturally, in the mails, I applied my usual dubious flair to make them a bit more interesting for the fans back home.
I believe this was written on Saturday 22nd of September, 2007.
And so, without further faffing about:
HELLO ALL
YOU'LL HAVE TO BEAR WITH ME. NOT ONLY AM I SERIOUSLY DRUNK BUT IM ALSO TRYING TO USE A KEYBOARD WITH VERY CONFUSING THAI ALPHABETS.
PLANE RIDES LANDED OK, THOUGH DOHA WAS SHOCKINGLY HOT, DESPITE IT BEING AT NIGHT. YOU KNOW THOSE DEPARTMENT STORE FANS IN WINTER TIME THAT BLAST YOU WITH HOT AIR? DOHA WAS LIKE THAT. CONSTANTLY. I WAS ONLY OUT IN IT FOR FIVE MINUTES TOPS AND THAT WAS ENOUGH!
ANYWAY, FLIGHTS WERE NO PROBLEM, A BIT LONG BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO? SAT NEXT TO A QUIET AND FRIENDLY INDIAN ON THE WYA TO MUNBAI, ON FIRST LEG AND EVEN HE WAS SHOCKED BY THE HEAT IN DOHA! FLIGHT 2 WAS NO TROUBLE APART FROM ANNOYING PERSON IN FRONT WHO LEANED CHAIR ALL THE WAY BACK, SQUASHING ME. THAKFULLY, I HAD SEATS TO MYSELF. GOT SOME DUD PICTURES OF...CLOUDS. FLEW THROUGH THUNDERSTORM OVER INDIA. ALL I COULD SEE WAS THE FLASHING CLOUDS IN THE DISTANCE ND FEEL THE TURBULANCE. EXCITING!
ARRIVAL IN BANGKOK (SAMUIVIRUANI OR SOMETHING) AIRPORT WAS TRYING AND CONFUSING, AS EXPECTED. MANAGED TO AVOID THE TAXI TOUTS AND GOT THE AIRPORT EXPRESS BUS. TOOK HOUR TO GET INTO CITY. TERRIBLE TRAFFIC AD POLLUTION! ALSO, THE DRIVING MOTTO HERE SEEMS TO BE "GO FOR IT! AND TO HELL WITH EVERYONE ELSE!". THE HORN IS A TOOL HERE, NOT A WEAPON TO EXPRESS ONE'S ANGER LIKE IN UK.
ARRIVAL IN BANGKOK (SAMUIVIRUANI OR SOMETHING) AIRPORT WAS TRYING AND CONFUSING, AS EXPECTED. MANAGED TO AVOID THE TAXI TOUTS AND GOT THE AIRPORT EXPRESS BUS. TOOK HOUR TO GET INTO CITY. TERRIBLE TRAFFIC AD POLLUTION! ALSO, THE DRIVING MOTTO HERE SEEMS TO BE "GO FOR IT! AND TO HELL WITH EVERYONE ELSE!". THE HORN IS A TOOL HERE, NOT A WEAPON TO EXPRESS ONE'S ANGER LIKE IN UK.
I THE WANDERED AROUND BANGKOK IN MY USUAL POST-FLIGHT DAZE - THAT IS TO SAY CLUELESS AND LOST. THE GUEST HOUSE I CHOSE - FOR IT'S GOOD WRITE UP AND QUIETNESS - WAS A LONG WAY OFF FROM KAO SAN (BACKPACKER CENTRAL). AT FIRST I WAS INTIMIDATED BY THE TUK TUK AND TAXI DRIVERS ASKING TO ACCEPT MY PATRONAGE BUT AFTER AN HOUR OF WANDERING IN THE SWELTERING HEAT, I GOT ON THE FIRST TUK TUK I CAME ACROSS, WHO CHARGED AN EXTORTIONATE 100 BAHT (I WAS A NAIVE TOURIST AT THE TIME!). AT LEAST HE GOT ME THERE AND, MORE FOOL ME, I GAVE HIM A FIFTY BHT TIP! 150 = ABOUT 2.50 POUND, WHEN IT SHOULD HAVE COST ABOUT 60P IN A TAXI. BY THE WAY, A TUK TUK IS A TRICYLE MOTORCYCLE WITH A CAB SCREWED TO THE BACK. CRAZY THINGS AND THEY'RE EVERYWHERE, ALWAYS SHOUTING AT ME IF I "WANT RIDE? WHERE YOU GO?".
IT'S CERTAINLY AN EXPERIENCE BUT TAXI'S ARE BETTER, I FOUND TODAY. AIRCON FOR ONE. NO POLLUTION FOR ANOTHER. NOT AS FUN, THOUGH!
IT'S CERTAINLY AN EXPERIENCE BUT TAXI'S ARE BETTER, I FOUND TODAY. AIRCON FOR ONE. NO POLLUTION FOR ANOTHER. NOT AS FUN, THOUGH!
ANYWAY, THE OVERCHARGING TUK TUKKER BROUGHT ME RIGHT TO THE DOOR OF MY GUEST HOUSE BUT NOT BEFORE TRYING TO SELL ME A TOUR OF THE CITY WHICH I CONTINUOUSLY DECLINED OVER THE NEXT TEN MINUTE DRIVE. NICE GUY, THOUGH, DESPITE THAT. ALL THAIS ARE NICE, HAPPY PEOPLE EVEN WHEN THEY'RE RIPPING YOU OFF, THOUGH. NOT LIKE THE GRUMPS IN ENGLAD, NO NAMES MENTIONED, OI OI.
(Khao San Thanon - road - at night, pictured above. A very cliched snaphot)
(Khao San Thanon - road - at night, pictured above. A very cliched snaphot)
GUEST HOUSE IS COMFORTABLE AND RELATIVELY COOL. DIDN'T SPLASH OUT ON AIR CON, GOT FAN INSTEAD. ONLY 280(3.50POUND) PER NIGHT. BARGAIN AND VERY CLEAN. SAW A GECKO IN THE SHOWER LAST NIGHT. THEY'RE ALL OVER WALLS HERE, AT NIGHT. WILL TRY TO GET PICTURES.
WANDERED STREETS NEAR HOTEL LAST NIGHT, AND WENT AROUND OLD WAT (TEMPLE) WITH A HUGE BUHHDA STATUE ABOUT 60 FEET TALL! PICTURES CAME OUT CRUMMY THOUGH. WILL GO BACK IN DAYTIME TOMORROW, THOUGH, IF IT'S OPEN ON SUNDAY. ALMOST STEPPED ON AN EMACIATED OLD HOMELESS MAN BUT HE'S THE ONLY ONE I'VE SEEN HERE.
STEPPED IN GOODNESS KNOWS WHAT IN THE STREETS. BANGKOK IS VERY...PUNGENT. NOT SMELLY, AS IN SEWERS BUT FOOD STALLS ARE EVERYWHERE, SO...PUNGENT. HAD TOFU KING PRAWN RICE THING FOR TEA LAST NIGHT. VERY NICE BUT QUITE EXPENSIVE FOR HERE, ABOUT 4 POUND FOR TWO COURSE AND BEER. BY COMPARISON TONIGHT'S MEAL AND DRINK WAS A THIRD OF THE PRICE. NICE PLACES BOTH, THOUGH. AND THE FIRST WAS VERY NEAR MY GUEST HOUSE, WHEREAS TODAY'S FOOD WAS A WALK AND A TAXI AND ANOTHER WALK AWAY. ALL GOOD FUN, THOUGH. TONIGHT'S FOOD WAS PRAWNS (AGAIN, MY CHOICE - WILL BE SICK OF THEM SOON!) AND FRIED RICE, CASHEWS AND VEG SERVED IN A HALF PINEAPPLE. OH, AND LAST NIGHT I LEARNED THE DEFINITION OF CHILLI SEASONED FOOD IN THAILAND. LETS JUST SAY THEY'RE A BIT MORE GENEROUS HERE. I WAS CRYING BY END OF MEAL BUT HID IT I HOPE FROM WAITRESSES!
ALSO, GOT SCAMMED TODAY... OR AT LEAST, OVERCHARGED. FUNNY STORY (IF YOU FIND BEING OVERCHARGED FUNNY). I WAS TRYING TO FIND THE STATION TO TAKE ME TO NEXT DESTINATION (KANACHANBURI? RIVER KWAI, ANYWAY). APPARENTLY, MY GUIDE BOOK IS OUT OF DATE AND STATION HAS BEEN KNOCKED DOWN.
OR MOVED.
OR SOMETHING.
THREE HOURS IN SWELTERING MIDDAY HEAT SEARCHING FOR PHANTOM STATION DOES NOT MAKE JAMIE A HAPPY CHAPPY, CROSSING BACK AND FORTH OVER RIVER CHANGSA PHAE. ANYWAY, FOUND MYSELF IN A PARK NEAR GRAND PALACE (SEE POSTCARDS TO COME) AND LIKE AN ANGEL, A MAN APPROACED AND ASKED ME WHERE I WAS GOING AND WHY. I KNEW HE WAS PLAYING ME BECAUSE NOT FIVE MINUTES EARLIER I HAD READ IN MY GUIDE BOOK ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE HIM. ANYWAY, I PLAYED ALONG, AND HE DIRECTED ME TO A GOOD TRAVEL AGENCY THAT HE JUST HAPPENED TO KNOW, DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE WAS SECURITY GUARD, GUIDE AND MANY OTHER THINGS ACCORDING TO HIS FAKE ID. HE DIRECTED ME TO TAKE A TUK TUK THERE, AFTER WRITING DOWN THE NAME OF THE PLACE TO GO.
OR MOVED.
OR SOMETHING.
THREE HOURS IN SWELTERING MIDDAY HEAT SEARCHING FOR PHANTOM STATION DOES NOT MAKE JAMIE A HAPPY CHAPPY, CROSSING BACK AND FORTH OVER RIVER CHANGSA PHAE. ANYWAY, FOUND MYSELF IN A PARK NEAR GRAND PALACE (SEE POSTCARDS TO COME) AND LIKE AN ANGEL, A MAN APPROACED AND ASKED ME WHERE I WAS GOING AND WHY. I KNEW HE WAS PLAYING ME BECAUSE NOT FIVE MINUTES EARLIER I HAD READ IN MY GUIDE BOOK ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE HIM. ANYWAY, I PLAYED ALONG, AND HE DIRECTED ME TO A GOOD TRAVEL AGENCY THAT HE JUST HAPPENED TO KNOW, DESPITE THE FACT THAT HE WAS SECURITY GUARD, GUIDE AND MANY OTHER THINGS ACCORDING TO HIS FAKE ID. HE DIRECTED ME TO TAKE A TUK TUK THERE, AFTER WRITING DOWN THE NAME OF THE PLACE TO GO.
NO NEED, THOUGH! FOR SIXTY SECONDS LATER, A TUK TUK ARRIVED AND SAID HE KEW WHERE I WANTED TO GO, AND SAID I LOOKED FAMILIAR...AS IN, MY DESCRIPTION WAS GIVEN BY THE OTHER GUY. A SMOOTH OPERATOR TO SAY THE LEAST. THE DRIVER;S ENGLSIH SEEMED TO BE CENTRED AROUND ENGLISH FOOTBALL (MANCHEST UNITE!! AHAHAHA!" HE LOVED TO SAY, BEFORE SQUEEZING MY LEG AND NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO THE ROAD!)
I EVENTUALLY FOND MYSELF AT AN "OFFICIAL" GOVERNMENT TRAVELAGENT. IT WASN'T BUT IT WAS VERY SMART AND COOL INSIDE FOR HOT AND BOTHERED JAMIE. TEN MINUTES LATER, A THAI MAN NAMED JOHN HAD PUT TOGETHER A PACKAGE THAT INCLUDES TEMPLES, TIGERS, ELEPHANTS WATERFALLS AND RAFTING ON RATTAN RAFTS(WHIHCH I WANTED), AND LATER A TRIP BY MYSELF (AS OPPOSED TO WITH OTHER MUGS, ON THE FIRST FEW DAYS) DOWN TO THE SOUTH ISLANDS. NAMELY KOH SAMUI, AN OVERCROWDED TROPICAL PARADISE FROM WHAT IVE HEARD. I HAVE A BUNGALOW BOOKED THERE NOW, FOR A WEEK (WHICH I WANTED). I'LL PROBABLY THEN GO TO A QUIETER ISLAND DOWN THERE, THEN BACK IN THE DIRECTION OF CHIANG MAI (NORTHERN tHAILAND) AND LAOS.
THE TWO TRIPS COST ME ABOUT 200 POUND. A LOT FOR THIS COUNTRY AND ALMOST CERTAINLY MORE THAN MORE SAVVY TRAVELLERS WOULD PAY BUT ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, A LOT LESS THAN A UK OR OTHER WESTERN TRAVEL AGENT WOULD TRAVEL. I GUESS THESE THAI FOLKS ARE NO MORE SCAM ARTISTS THAN SAGA AND THOMPSOM...
THE TWO TRIPS COST ME ABOUT 200 POUND. A LOT FOR THIS COUNTRY AND ALMOST CERTAINLY MORE THAN MORE SAVVY TRAVELLERS WOULD PAY BUT ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, A LOT LESS THAN A UK OR OTHER WESTERN TRAVEL AGENT WOULD TRAVEL. I GUESS THESE THAI FOLKS ARE NO MORE SCAM ARTISTS THAN SAGA AND THOMPSOM...
...THAT'S ASSUMING THE BUS TURNS UP ON MONDAY MORNING AT SEVEN! ALL AN EXPERIENCE, AS THEY SAY, AND I SAW OTHER WHITE PEOPLE IN THERE, SO IT'S NOT TOO SHADY, I HOPE. FEW OF THEM SEEM TO VENTURE OUTSIDE KAO SAN ROAD, I'VE SEEN. I SPENT HOURS ELSEWHERE SEARCHING ABOUT TODAY AND SAW ONLY ASIANS. QUITE A CHANGE FROM NORFOLK! I WAS ACTUALLY STARING AT THE WHITE PEOPLE, BECAUSE *THEY* WERE THE ONES WHO STOOD OUT, AFTER A WHILE.
I AM ENJOYING MYSELF, THOUGH AND AM GLAD TO HAVE STUFF ORGANISED FOR THE SOUTH ISLANDS AND ELSEWHERE NOW. THE FIRST DAY I BARELY REMEMBER BECAUSE OF JET LAG AND LACK OF SLEEP. TODAY HAS PROGREESSIVELY IMPROVED MY OPINION OF BANGKOK, THOUGH. ESPECIALLY THEIR BEER.
TO PUT IT SUCCINCTLY, BANGKOK IS HOT, STICKY, FRAGRANT, CLOYING, LOUD, BEWILDERING, EXCITNG, FUN AND ALMOST CERTAINLY DEADLY.
(Pictured, inside the Gilligans pub at the end of Khao San. Surprise, surprise, the picture doesn't come out in a dark club when you turn the flash off!)
(Pictured, inside the Gilligans pub at the end of Khao San. Surprise, surprise, the picture doesn't come out in a dark club when you turn the flash off!)
I HOPE EVERYONE IS DOING WELL THERE. IT'S ALMOST 9PM HERE AND I MIGHT SNATCH YET ANOTHER BEER BEFORE BED, SINCE I HAVE NOTHING CONCRETE PLANNED TOMORROW. EARLY NIGHT ON SUNDAY, FOR MY NEXT TRIP ONWARDS, LEAVING THE CAPITAL BEHIND FOR A WHILE. I'LL TRY NOT TO GET ANOTHER TATTOO RIGHT NOW AS I'M A LITTLE TOO INEBRIATED TO MAKE SUCH DESCISIONS BUT NO PROMISES. IN FACT, I PROBABLY WILL. AT LEAST IT WON'T HURT. AND I'LL TRY TO GET THEM TO DO IT INSIDE MY OLD ONE...
..OR ON THE OTHER ARM, BENEATH SHIRT SLEEVES. THERE ARE TATTOOIST AD BODY PIERCISTSX AND BARS AND BODY PAINTERSX AND MASSAGE PARLOURS AND CLOTHES SHOPS AND MORE BARS AND RESTAURANTS EVERYWHERE IN THIS DISTRICT. AND INTERNET CAFES, OBVIOUSLY. BASICALLY, THE THAIS ARE SELLING WHATEVER WESTERNERS WANT MOST, IN KAO SAN, NAMELY A *BIT* OF LOCAL CRAZINESS AND CULTURE AND A BUNCH OF FAMILIARITY.
..OR ON THE OTHER ARM, BENEATH SHIRT SLEEVES. THERE ARE TATTOOIST AD BODY PIERCISTSX AND BARS AND BODY PAINTERSX AND MASSAGE PARLOURS AND CLOTHES SHOPS AND MORE BARS AND RESTAURANTS EVERYWHERE IN THIS DISTRICT. AND INTERNET CAFES, OBVIOUSLY. BASICALLY, THE THAIS ARE SELLING WHATEVER WESTERNERS WANT MOST, IN KAO SAN, NAMELY A *BIT* OF LOCAL CRAZINESS AND CULTURE AND A BUNCH OF FAMILIARITY.
ANYWAY, HOPE YOU'RE ALL DOING WELL.
HUGS AND KISSES FRO BANGKOK, ESPECIALLY FOR PUPPIES!
JAMIE
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And there we have my first email home to the folks, grandfolks and various other affiliates, affectionate admirers and antagonistic arseholes. Drunk, vaguely offensive and colourfully full of wonder and amazement; just like Thailand.
***********
And there we have my first email home to the folks, grandfolks and various other affiliates, affectionate admirers and antagonistic arseholes. Drunk, vaguely offensive and colourfully full of wonder and amazement; just like Thailand.
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